


by a hundred echoes

by ivermectin



Category: Gossip Girl (TV 2007)
Genre: AKA: the hotel thing, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Fix-It, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Nate's thing with the duchess comes up as well, POV Nate Archibald, Past Chuck/Blair, References to Bulimia, season 3 episode 18: the unblairable lightness of being, this fic is not sympathetic to Chuck Bass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:22:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28086912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivermectin/pseuds/ivermectin
Summary: AU - Canon diverges at 03x18.Or, Blair tells Nate about the hotel thing. Nate takes a stand, and supports Blair.
Relationships: Nate Archibald & Blair Waldorf
Comments: 10
Kudos: 23





	by a hundred echoes

**Author's Note:**

> this deals with, as the tags said: the entire chuck trading blair for the hotel thing. wasn't sure how to tag & warn, but it doesn't get heavier/worse/more detailed than the actual episode. 
> 
> i reblogged [this](https://bisexualdanhumphrey.tumblr.com/post/637514591780339712) on tumblr, responded to [this ask,](https://bisexualdanhumphrey.tumblr.com/post/637549249483227136/chucknate-friend-break-up-shouldve-been) saw [this gifset](https://bisexualdanhumphrey.tumblr.com/post/637550205712121857), and then went into super-fast-frantic-almost-manic writing mode. voila, fix it fic! 
> 
> i used [this transcript site](https://transcripts.foreverdreaming.org/viewtopic.php?f=160&t=9691) for the dialogue, because rewatching the episode right now will probably demolish me.
> 
> ~
> 
>  _“for there is nothing heavier than compassion. Not even one's own pain weighs so heavy as the pain one feels with someone, for someone, a pain intensified by the imagination and prolonged by a hundred echoes.”_  
>  ― Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being

“Just tell me what happened,” Nate says carefully.

Blair and Chuck have always been his best friends, the two people closer to him than anybody else in the world. He still remembers kindergarten, Chuck in a suit, taking Nate’s grubby hand in his, giving him a solemn handshake at the age of six, eyes looking at Nate with an intensity that would’ve been unnerving if Nate hadn’t been subject to various forms of interrogation from family. Chuck and Nate had grown up together, almost like brothers but not quite, boundaries blurring into the sort of unity that came from living together, waking up in the night because your best friend had brought yet another girl home.

And then there’s Blair; Nate’s first love. He loved her, of course he loved her, he was never really in love with her, but he loved her so deeply that for a long time, it felt like that was enough. And eventually, it turned out that it wasn’t enough, but it didn’t matter. He still had the sweater she’d stitched the golden heart into, and whatever else they were or weren’t, she was his first girlfriend. There was nostalgia there, and a familiarity unlike anything else. He’d watched all her Hepburn movies with her. Seen her apply and reapply lipstick over the years until she finally got it right. He’d been there to watch Blair Waldorf out of middle school grow into Blair in high school, seen her sad and lonely, seen her victorious and on top of the world, he’d seen the worst of her and the best of her, and he’d known somewhere in his heart, that she was trying her best, that she was trying to be good and to be happy, and he understood it, because he’d been trying to do the same things all his life, too.

He’d always thought Chuck was like them – like him and Blair. Trying to make the best out of bad situations. Messing up a little, but at heart, good. He’d hoped, so hard. He’d looked the other way at times, pretended not to see the hurt Chuck left in his wake, like a cyclone damaging everything in its path. Nate had thought Chuck wanted to be good, he’d thought Chuck was being good to Blair. His two best friends ever, in love with each other. Nothing like it, right? The most good thing imaginable, right?

But Blair right now is more upset, hurt and miserable than Nate’s ever seen her, including even the time he'd confessed to her about sleeping with Serena.

“I can’t tell anyone,” she says, the words coming out heavy with misery. “It’s too awful.”

Nate understands that. He knows the feeling – he can’t hear the name Catherine even now without flinching. He remembers feeling weak and powerless, feeling disgusted with himself. Remembers rinsing his mouth out again and again with mouthwash but still not feeling clean enough. Nothing he did managed to get the feeling to go away.

“There’s no such thing as too awful between friends,” he tells Blair. He means it, when it comes to them. He knows she’s said the words to Serena, knows that she’s loved Serena possibly longer and more intensely than she ever loved him. None of which matters now, because he is her friend, her best friend, even. When she’d told him about the bulimia, back in school, he’d held her in his arms and asked if he could do anything to help, and she’d told him it was okay, that Serena was helping her through it. He’d wanted to do the cliché things called for in such situations, kiss her stomach and tell her she was lovely, but they were Nate and Blair, they weren’t just any two people in a romantic movie. He’d settled for kissing her cheek, telling her he believed in her and was proud of her for getting help and staying strong.

This situation is nothing like that, but he feels similarly protective of her all the same.

“We don’t judge, remember?” he says. Carefully, unsure what’s even going on and tentatively trying to get her to open up, he says, “And we can forgive anything.”

It’s the wrong thing to say, he can tell. For a moment there’s something in her eyes almost like heartbreak, like he’s broken her heart, and then it flickers and ebbs away into sheer pain. But then, after a moment, she tells him that he can’t tell anyone, not even Serena.

It must be pretty serious, then. Nate promises.

“What did Chuck tell you about how he got his hotel back?”

Nate frowns. “He didn’t. He just said ‘money solves everything.’”

“He didn’t use money.” Blair is looking in his direction, but her eyes are empty. “He used me,” she says, bitter. “As a trade.”

Nate swallows. “Come on,” he says, not wanting to believe it. “No way.”

Blair goes on as if she hasn’t heard it. “He set me up to sleep with Jack, in exchange for his beloved empire.” She looks away from Nate, head bent. Quieter, she says, “So now do you see why I couldn't tell anyone?”

Nate tries to hide his flinch, but he doesn’t think he succeeds. “Oh, my god,” he says, quietly.

-

When they go back outside, Dorota is talking enthusiastically to some people in the foyer. Nate sees Chuck, and his body tenses. She tells Blair about her wedding, the tradition of a happy couple to escort the bride and groom into the chapel. She mentions Chuck, and Nate can see Chuck smirking, and he knows in his gut that it’s true. What’s more, he knows that Chuck is trying to win Blair back, even now.

So Dorota asks, “Will you and Mr Chuck be the happy couple for me?” and Nate cuts in, voice like steel.

“That won’t be necessary,” he says. He puts an arm around Blair’s waist. “Blair’s with _me._ ”

Blair leans against Nate, ever so slightly, and he knows it’s the right choice. Maybe he and Blair were never in love, but they _had_ been happy.

-

Blair excuses herself to the washroom, possibly just for a moment alone, or at least, Nate hopes.

Chuck confronts Nate almost immediately.

“Since when are you dating _Blair_ ,” he says. “What happened to Serena?”

Nate knows he’ll have to handle that. He isn’t sure how, but he’ll talk to Blair, they’ll manage it somehow. He wants Serena to trust him, trust him to be able to look out for a friend and to come back to her. Either Serena understands and sides with them, or he’ll break it off with her, too.

Nate feels torn up, betrayed and terrible, and nothing’s even happened to him.

“I know what you did,” he says to Chuck, ignoring the Serena question.

“Blair told you,” Chuck says. It’s not a question.

“Yeah, she did. She didn't want to, but she did. I mean, this time you have crossed a line,” Nate says. It feels hollow – he’s realising, in retrospect, that Chuck has crossed a lot of lines. What was the quote Vanessa mentioned to him? _Believe people when they tell you who they are?_

Chuck’s still talking. “In your rush to pass judgment, did you ever consider you don't know the entire truth? What exactly did Blair say?”

“That you traded her for the hotel,” Nate says, brief, harsh, to the point. Chuck doesn’t admit it; he doesn’t have to.

“No,” Nate says, disgusted, upset, hurt, confused. “No, you deserve to be alone.”

“I may be heartless, but you’re naïve,” Chuck is saying, and Nate can’t hear any further. He makes a fist, swings his hand, hits Chuck in the face with more force than he’s ever punched anyone before in his life.

The door opens, and Blair’s back from the washroom. “Oh god,” she says, surveying the sight. “Nate, can we – ”

“Let’s get out of here,” Nate agrees. He walks around Chuck, wraps an arm around Blair.

Outside, they call a cab.

“Where can we even go?” Blair asks, quiet.

“Vanessa’s sister has a place in Brooklyn,” Nate offers. “Or we could go to the Loft. It’s just Dan there, now.”

“Okay,” Blair says.

The cab arrives and they get inside, Blair curling up against Nate in the backseat, and Nate putting his arms around her protectively.

“What’ll we tell Serena?” Blair asks, quiet.

“I don’t know,” Nate admits. “But she has to trust us. There aren’t any two people who love her as much as we do. Well, except maybe Dan.”

Blair huffs. “Do you think it’ll be okay? Us pretending to be a happy couple for Dorota?”

“It’s less pretending than you and Chuck would’ve been,” Nate says. “We may not be a couple anymore, and we may never really have been in love, but we were happy together.”

“We were,” Blair says, quiet. “You were like, my best friend.”

“I know,” Nate says. He turns his head, kisses her cheek. “I still am. You’ll make it through this. You have me. Okay?”

“Okay,” she says.

 _Always have, always will,_ Nate thinks. 

**Author's Note:**

> the quote nate tries (& fails) to remember verbatim is 
> 
> " _When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time._ "  
> \- Maya Angelou
> 
> i love nate, but i don't see him remembering quotes verbatim. i mean. he's not dan, haha.
> 
> -  
> super unconnectedly & on a lighter note, i'm getting more and more attached to like. the idea of lesbian blair waldorf and gay nate archibald, and they only really figure it out / come to terms with it / accept it in their... mid-twenties? late twenties? but it takes them a while to work through internalised heteronormativity, and all that. there was a point when i watched the show and i was like "oh they're both bi!" but now it feels like maybe, just maybe, they're gay. or closer to gay than bi. i don't know, don't @ me. 


End file.
